Today I am extremely sad because my boyfriend didn't want to see me or talk to me. Although I have texted saying how apologetic I felt, my boyfriend still did not forgive and forget this situation entirely. The tone he texted me was cold and very much like a stranger. He didn't want to see me, even when I have told him that we can see each other later tonight. I wanted him to see my new haircut. Then later in the evenings, things got worse. In the mornings, he would respond back with his limited reponsd, but around 8pm when I texted him, he never even reply back to any of my texts. I texted him a few messages every hour until 11pm, asking him to say something, but he just won't. He knows when he doesn't reply back and ignores me, then it makes me tense out. I texted him, and asked him to say that he doesn't want to talk to me, but he didn't even. The last time my boyfriend did this me, he promised he wouldn't do it again. I really don't understand why he has to make it a big deal, when I've expressly said how sorry I was. On top of that, my boyfriend just doesn't want to talk about it. Now, I'm laying Here, waiting for him to reply back. I know that he won't, but I just hope that he will. I am telling myself that maybe he is busy for the last few hours. Maybe he is downstairs in his study room. Maybe he didn't charge his phone. Maybe he went somewhere and left his phone home. But I know that the truth is, he's probably right next to his phone like I am to mine. I didn't expect my Saturday to turn out this at all.
Now, I can't help but think about two months ago when he did a week before his birthday because he was stressed out that I kept pressuring him into marriage. I remembered that Sunday morning, I texted him about marriage. That Sunday afternoon, I expected him to come home and texted me so we can hang out, but he didn't. So I texted him, but no replies. I called, and he didn't pick up. My mind and body was racing with each other because I was so tense out. I decided to drive over to his place, but he wasn't home. I waited for almost an hour and a half, when he finally came home. I was sitting in my car, crying and trying my best to slit my wrist with the broken perfume rollerblade bottle I carry with me. But that wasn't the first time, he has done this to me about 5 times already, and he knows I can't take the tension. Similarly, I am experiencing the same feeling building up, and I can't go to sleep. I can't do anything. I don't know what to do. I don't know why it turned so ugly because of one night. I don't know why everything has to be my fault. I don't know why he won't text me back at all.
Now, I feel so sad that my mind can't sleep because I'm worried that if I sleep, he might text me back. I'm worried that our relationship will go downhill because my boyfriend always think negative thoughts. I am worried my boyfriend will have second thoughts. I just wished he would text me back, and tell me he's not mad at me, and that he wants to hug me so much. I wished he would text me, and say something. I can't handle him treating me like this when he's down. This only hurts me more and more, and hurts our relationship. What I did was accidental, out of anger, but this intentional. I get a feeling he doesn't want to see me tomorrow either.
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