Jealousy

Jealousy is a strong feeling we have against someone for what they are blessed with in life, making us envy them with our green eyes, and failing to realize how blessed we are. Jealousy is often portrayed as a looking glass. When we look through the glass, we see the finer things in life they have that we wished we could have. We fail to appreciate the finer things in our lives, and fail to realize the reciprocated effect that others feel about our lives. Jealousy only builds, and accumulates each day, if we continue to live our life comparing what our friends and families have. Despite the fact that jealousy is an evil feeling, it is hard to get rid of, and everyone in this world possesses some amount of jealousy towards someone else they know because we are humans.
It is impossible to go on and believe that we are never jealous of someone else because jealousy has its goods as well. With jealousy, we become more motivated to be better, and we strive for the best, in order to compete with others for the higher reign in life.

With my life the way it is now, I do envy and become jealous of my sisters and the people around me. For starters, I'm jealous of my best friend, who has been my best friend for ten years now. I'm jealous of her easy and carefree lifestyle. Her dad owns a tae-kwon-do martial art school, and she helps him everyday. She doesn't have a real job because when she used to work as a hair stylist, she complained of the busy and hectic lifestyle of real work. She basically threw away $20 grand worth of beauty school, just because she was no longer interested in working. Her parents pay for her school tuitions, and for her new car. She currently goes to a community college, with no real degree plan in mind. She just wants to go to school to not be bored at home. I am jealous that my best friend doesn't have to worry about money like I constantly do. I'm jealous how she doesn't have to work, but still have a new car to drive, while I'm here working $10 per hour everyday in an 1999 Accord. Even my boyfriend's sister drives a newer and better car than me, thanks to him.  I am jealous that her family doesn't push her to do something she doesn't like doing. I'm jealous of the warmth her family provides her, and the maternal love she receives from her mom. Sometimes, I wished I had her life. I wouldn't have to calculate my expenses every month to see if I have spent over my budget. I wouldn't have to worry about what professions I should seek. I wouldn't have to cry when I don't support from my family. Her life seems so picture perfect to me.

Besides my best friend, I am jealous of my second and third oldest sisters. My second oldest sister is happily married to my brother in law for almost twelve years now. Yes, they have their moments when they fight and argue, but through it all, they are still strong. My brother in law places my sister as his number one priority. He spoils her endlessly with luxury brand purses and other gifts she like to, takes her out on dream vacations that she likes. My brother in law always has her back, and always emotionally support her, even when as sisters, I don't give her my full support. My brother in law takes good care of her family, his in law side. He has let my dad, my third sister, and me stayed with them for a decade. He has no problem including my name for car insurance, cell phone, and before health insurance. Similarly, my third oldest sister is currently engaged to her long time beau, and he too gives her the number one spot in his life. He lavishes her with brand name purses, clothing, trips, and recently, a jaw breaking almost two carat diamond ring. He buys my family foods when he's out of town, and spoils me with gifts and allowances. I am jealous how my boyfriend's sister doesn't have any responsibility because my boyfriend or her mom takes care of it all for her, and how she has no bills to pay. I am jealous of my boyfriend's family because of the tremendous amount of love he gives to them.

Jealousy is two blades on a sword. It can be good, but it can be bad. It all depends on how well we can control our feelings for the wanted that we don't have. Jealousy can lead to hurt feelings. I am learning to not be jealous of my sisters and my best friend, but its hard for me because I don't think I have anything worth it for others to envy. I am not smart for others to envy. I am not good looking for others to hate. I am not rich for others to wish to be like. I have bills to pay with my meager paycheck. I have responsibilities to follow while living with my sister and brother in law. I have to worry about my professional career. That's why, sometimes I wished I can boast to others about my boyfriend. I know its silly, but my best friend doesn't have a boyfriend. Its the only person I have. I like to tell my sisters what my boyfriend has done, to make them feel happy that I've found a guy who treats me well. However, i know that only i learn to be content with the life I am blessed with.  I hoped that by writing and mediating, I can learn to be calm and appreciate my life, and the little things my boyfriend does for me.