Relationship part 2

Yesterday when I hung out with my boyfriend, I felt really happy because he showed me he cared for me so much. He was always hugging me, kissing me, and texting with me early morning. I guess he was like that because I was unhappy the past few days, and chose not to answer his phone calls or text messages. At first, I was hesitant to hang out with him because I was not happy and it made me think about our past so much more, but then I caved in. I saw how eager he wanted to hang out with me, and how much he texted me made me soft hearted. Yesterday was not a mistake. I enjoyed my time with him, but today was different.
Today the mood was already off to a bad start because when he came to pick me up, I had made for him a cup of avocado smoothie. I asked him if it was good, but he said it was OK. I was a little upset because I just wanted him to say it was good. It doesn't hurt to lie if it really wasn't good just to make me happy? Before he would always compliment my cookings, but now he doesn't. After he said that, I was annoyed and I told him how he doesn't like anything I make. He was annoyed by it too. This isn't the first time it happened, but its not hard to say it is good. After we went walking around my old neighborhood, we came home and I shared with him some of my feelings. I told him how sometimes I am unhappy in this relationship, and how I felt insecure and lost of trust for him because of the past. I told him how I didn't like putting money in between us. He told me that he never has a break from buying me gifts, which is false. He never ever buys for me Valentines or anniversary gifts all of these years. He just recently took me on a vacation. He doesn't put money in between his family when they are part of his burden financially, with paying for their bills. My boyfriend doesn't understand with the little amount of money I earn, I still don't mind paying for vacations because it's for us and I want us to enjoy the good things together. Then I told him that I think tomorrow he will probably shut me off, and he asked me if I had anything I wanted to talk about tomorrow. I started crying and feeling sad because I realized that no matter what, my boyfriend doesn't understand me.

I am not happy anymore. I am tired of the way he treats me. One minute loving me, and the next minute ignoring me. I can't deal controlling my emotions to make him happy. He always criticize me in his own ways, and he fails to see how much he has hurt me over and over. I don't know how my boyfriend will understand that he has hurt me and made me sad numerous times. I tried to laugh and giggle when I'm with him, but sometimes he say things that are never appropriate and only hurts me. I can't handle with the stress and the pressure of having him treat me like a toy. I wish I can move on. I hold onto this relationship praying it will work because he is my first love. I want to try to make it work, but why I only try? My boyfriend asked me why won't I try to love him more today instead of asking him question if he loves me. When I heard that, I asked him the same. I asked him why can't he show he loves me more, and not ask just me to love him? I felt like my boyfriend thinks of him too highly and that he is too perfect when he said that because if he really loves me, why do I always cry? If he really loves, then why do I always feel sad? He can't show me he loves me, and he expects me to show him I love him more??! Does he not think before he speak? My boyfriend doesn't know how to give me happiness, because he only takes my happiness away from me. I prayed to God so many times asking God to help us have a better relationship, but I still cry and I still feel unhappy. I don't know what to do anymore, but I'm tired. My boyfriend doesn't even understand my needs. He only knows how to make me cry and give me anxiety. I just want to be happy.