Happiness

Happiness is an emotion we exert when someone or something has brought us great joy at that moment in time of our lives, yet these moments are defined by our own discretion. Therefore, happiness to everyone signifies something different. To a homeless person wondering around on the cold and dark streets, happiness can purely be receiving a dollar from a stranger. To a child in this technological society, happiness can simply be having his or her own cell phone, and the liberty to use it whenever. We define what happiness means to us, but at some point in our lives, someone or something dictates our happiness, robbing us away from the gift of laughter we cherished the most.

Happiness to me is having my boyfriend besides me. His embrace warms me so much, and every time we are together, all of my problems seem to ease away. I never knew that I could ever love a stranger so much as I love my boyfriend. He has most certainly taught me what love is, and with that, he has changed my meaning of happiness. Before meeting him, I always thought that happiness was simply accumulating money for luxury expenses, but my boyfriend has opened my eyes, and made me realized that love is the key to happiness. He has made me realized that my ultimatum happiness that I yearned for is being with him for eternity, walking the journey of life with him, and sharing our happiness and sadness together. Simply hugging him, hearing him whisper in my ears, "I love you", or having him hold my hands as we strolled down the streets make me happy, but sometimes, the sun stops shining and the giggles ceased. 

I am a very emotional person with a low emotional quality aka EQ, making me vulnerable to being hurt by the slightest things, and consequently stealing my token of happiness when my world starts shaking. My boyfriend is my world, and when he feels down at any point in the relationship, I start to shatter. When my boyfriend shuts down on me, and avoids me for whatever the reason maybe, I feel isolated and unhappy. When he shuts down on me, I feel like my happiness is taken away, paralyzing my emotions slowing. I just asked to be with him, hug him, and love him with all of my heart, but I don't understand why his sadness brings me down so much. When he is sad, I just want to hug him, kiss him, and make him feel love even more, hoping that my presence will heal his sadness. Unfortunately, this is not case. My boyfriend asked to be alone whenever he feels sad, and this happens so frequently, it becomes a routine for us. Every time this happens, I feel to be blamed for his unhappiness in life. I feel incompetent for not being the partner he needs when he is sad. I feel distraught that my own happiness is shattered, and my goal of building a home with him seems unattainable. Whenever this happens, I too shut down, and tears start to formulate, as I tried to force myself to be strong and not cry. I did not know that I have become this weak, and the slightest thing he does can affect my emotions.

Today, for some odd reasons, my boyfriend is sad, and wanted to be left alone. Yesterday we were still happy, laughing and tickling each other, but today the scale turned 180 degrees. I waited for my boyfriend to come home from church, expecting that we would hang out like most Sundays, but today was one of those days. I tried to comfort him, but he didn't want any consolidations. He is the love of my life, and he is my happiness. Who will comfort me now that I am not happy? Who will hug me when I want to feel love to stop these stubborn tears from trickling down? In such a big world as it already it, I feel like a tiny ant, small and unnoticeable by others. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day and the rainbow will shine through, and we will both feel better.